Talking to teenagers

I only want to advise about one thing during this pandemic…I have refrained from posting about routine or helping your teen with anxiety, staying calm or being active outdoors. There is too much of this on Facebook and the internet generally. You see, the things mentioned above and also the other topics addressed by parenting blogs are all fundamentally supported/helped/improved by decent sleep quality. Get better sleep = feel more energetic Get better sleep = anxiety is lessened Get better sleep = make better food choices Get better sleep = better focus, stay on task Get better sleep = more patient Get better sleep = more creative WHO DOESN’T WANT THE ABOVE BENEFITS DURING THIS PANDEMIC? How can we deal with big emotions and close contact in the house when we are at the very end of our tether? We can’t, we have to feel robust as much as we can, and for that, you need to plan for what is effective. There used to be a culture of ‘I can survive on 6 hours s...

Is your child suffering with anxiety, read this… it’s important! I have received 47 emails from my daughters’ secondary school since September 22 nd nearly 5 a week. I have received at least 36 text messages from my son’s primary school since the end of October and he comes home with at least 6 pieces of paper in his school bag a week. This is some examples of the secondary school communication Drama rehearsals email, lunchtime revision email, National citizenship service email, Duke of Edinburgh , carol singers in the village square email, PTA quiz email, Revision resources, bus pass email, Food technology contribution email, six form open evening email, six form open evening feedback email, Sponsored walk email, New headmaster welcome letter email, Careers talks parent assembly email, parents evening email, parents evening feedback email, forthcoming fundraising events email, foodbank collection email, PTA annual Christmas bingo email, community nativity email, Pre ord...

I read recently that teenage girls on average check their social media accounts 50 times a day. I imagine snapchat to be like Slimer from Ghost busters (its logo is similar) every girl that it touches starts to have a negative attitude towards themselves and all their self-esteem gets sucked out of them into that proton pack and gets locks away. It’s a sad thought but it is true. I was recently travelling on the Virgin train to London when a girl got on at Preston. She was maybe 18, makeup done, headphones in and rucksack. She produced her makeup bag at Warrington Bank Quay and proceeded to do her make up (which was already done) until we reached Stafford (that takes an hour). I can honestly say that she looked NO different as a result of her make up tweaks then when she had boarded the train. She then took a photo once she shifted around in her seat for 5 minutes and then applied some more eyeshadow and took another photo that she was obviously more pleased with. I ob...

Photo by Oscar Keys on Unsplash Teenagers toxic love…Parents can feel distressed and frustrated at the addictive nature of their teens relationship. What's the best way to manage it? Every teenage relationship has an element of infatuation, they can be on the phone for hours on end, spending every free minute together at school, walking home together etc. This is how all the relationships start off, some remain healthy and happy but some become unhealthy in a short time. Boundaries become blurred, identities become enmeshed and the teenager can quickly lose a sense of self. This can become a huge breeding ground for jealousy. Jealousy is toxic in a relationship that has lost all perspective and the young person has no reference point to hold onto. It starts with probing questions that cause a little unsettling disagreement and progresses to checking phones and logging into each other’s social media. Both boys and girls talk about being ‘located’ on snapchat by th...

Sometimes the theme of my sessions with teenagers, is about the overreaction from parents. My clients feel that by parents doing this over most things that their position becomes weakened and ineffectual. It’s like the parents lose a bit of their sway by losing the teenagers respect. How many times have you heard yourself say... “for goodness sake, just stop arguing, why do you always argue? The simple answer to this rhetorical question is that the teenager needs to be heard, why? because they just do, it’s a thing that they can’t help. So, with that in mind you can consider that arguing with your teenager makes them better at arguing (something which you will suffer for later) So which things are not worth the hassle of arguing? 1)       Eye rolling…irritating yes, just ignore, it is not a reason to shout and totally lose it. 2)       Slamming doors…you just have to say that if the door frame collapses they wil...

Does your child have a mental health issue that they need help with? NHS...the broken promise. Theresa May has said 'the government should strengthen mental health training and continuing professional development for teachers to ensure they are properly equipped to recognize the early signs of mental illness in their pupils and have the confidence to be able to signpost or refer to the right support. Everyone of England's 3,600 secondary schools will be offered mental health 'first aid' training for teachers in the next two year' I would like to point out Theresa May that the teaching profession is not in the best of health...there were 138,500 sick days taken by 31,900 staff within the education sector last year. 3.5% of school staff take a stress related absence every year averaging 26.9 working days. 78% of teachers have experienced work related anxiousness, 33% per health, 25% have increased their alcohol and tobacco use, 2% have self-harm...

‘Everybody form your own groups.’ …SCHOOL SOCIAL ANXIETY HELL! Social anxiety typically begins early to mid-adolescence, the median age onset is in fact 13 years of age. School can be unbearable for teenagers experiencing social anxiety, a time when physical changes are happening, people are forming friendship groups and the drift from parents is naturally widening. Teenagers can find themselves lonely and emotionally alone. So, teenagers take note, the following things are contributing factors in anxiety you may feel in social situations. Self-focused behaviour When all your attention is focused inwards, you are concentrating on things such as ‘ how anxious do I appear’ ‘can they see I am shaking’ ‘am I appearing normal’ . These thoughts block the natural flow of conversation, as does thinking what you are going to say when the other person has said what they want to say. This can be taken as you not being interested. Social performance expectations Thi...

Social anxiety:   Don’t talk to me…. I’m not shy, I’m petrified! A teenage male client recently explained to me that social anxiety for him is the feeling that a big bright stage light is on you, following you about the minute you step out of the house and into the public arena. He then said in a quiet voice ‘ quite honestly, I’d rather not live at all than live like this for the rest of my life . Who lives like this, I’m pathetic’ The answer is that more young people live with this ‘disorder’ (don’t like that term) than any other anxiety related illness. Lifetime prevalence rates of up to 12% have been reported, compared with lifetime prevalence estimates for other anxiety disorders of 6% for generalised anxiety disorder, 5% for panic disorder, 7% for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and 2% for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The distress felt by this, is not feeling just a little shy, just a little introverted. My clients feel the constant fear of being...