Notice that the experience below brings Loneliness, being alone, embarrassment, shame, self-blame, shock, anxiety and uncertainty. It also brings a need to take something positive out of very painful experience.
"When Sarah left school, I felt alone because we had left a
group and I didn’t feel right to go back.
Throughout the days at school, my thoughts were to get
through the day as soon as possible, but always felt that people knew I was a
loner and would judge me. To make myself not feel judged I would try and make
myself look busy by either going to the library, ICT, learning support and the
art room. It was mainly the library and ICT that I went to because I was in a
year where grades were not important.
I hated it when the library and ICT were closed because I didn’t
know where to go, so I wondered around the school hoping no one would see me;
sometimes I would find a place where no one is around and stay there for a
while until someone was near.
Sally was my best friend in high school and I thought it
would be that way until we left school, so there wasn’t any reason to make
other friends. I was shocked that she actually left and it wasn’t a lie.
Me Sally and Laura were our own group, but it was Sally that
kept us together, me and Laura didn’t really know each other. We just wanted
Sally as a friend.
So, when Sally left, I wasn’t surprised that Laura didn’t stick
around, but I was hoping that she would. I guess it felt like yesterday I had friends
then today they were all gone and I didn’t really know what to do.
Throughout year 9 and 10 I felt uncomfortable where ever I was,
Lou asked me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. I couldn’t laugh or look at
people in the eye and talk. I kept looking at the clock.
One day Laura walked thought the hall with her two friends
and looked at me, I didn’t know what to think of it. In the summer holidays
Laura text, me saying sorry and we should meet up in school. I must have felt
nervous as I feel nervous now just thinking about it. When I met Laura at
school she was saying how she didn’t really like the group she was in and how
they are changing her. She also mentioned how she had seen me around school. I
felt embarrassed as she had seen me around school with no one. She was saying
how I must have felt in that position and she was right.
After that I hung out with her, she was funny, kind and confident
but shy. She was a good friend.
With all that has happened it has made me feel like I can
handle being on my own even though I hate it. I feel like I have no control
over myself. I couldn’t make myself turn my head to look at other people in
class when it was happening.
Due to this at least it made me focus more on my work at lunch
and break"
This has
kindly been written by an ex client and all the names have been changed.
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