Social media…what is your teenager using it for...read this, keep a healthy eye on it and then stop worrying.
Social media…what is your teenager using it for...read this,
keep a healthy eye on it and then stop worrying.
Yesterday the news was that 89% of teenagers worry about
online privacy and data, of course they do they have just got wind of the
Facebook privacy scandal and are convinced the police are coming knocking for
the underage purchase of cider they posted on Facebook last weekend.
I’m joking of course, but the truth is that teenagers worry
about privacy generally, all the time in every aspect of their lives, not just
the life online. That is why they blow their top when they find out you have
shared with aunty, grandma, best friends mum about their poor judgement and
risky behaviour. That is why they are generally tetchy and cynical about the
meeting your having with school re performance. That is why they can’t relax
while you’re in their bedroom as its an intrusion on their private space.
So, what is going on when they use social media? Some
parents say that they dare not ask their teenagers a question and yet the
teenager is prepared to share their whole lives and pour their heart out on
social media. Well statistics show this isn’t true.
Yes, they share more personal information than adults do,
but then adults have established their relationships and in part their
identity. Adults have developed stable relationships and tend to use social
media to deepen those relationships or keep in touch with family members. However,
teenagers are developing their identity in relation to their peers and this
involves self-presentation. Social media has provided a new forum in which to
present themselves through posts while experimenting with their identity.
Research suggests that teenagers share information about the
following topics (remember that they can state several of the presented
options)
50.6% family related content
66.8% Parties
48.5% school or work results
53.3% personal achievements
Overall few respondents shared private information
97% Name
88.8% age
93.8% gender
80.5% birthday
4.1% telephone number
7.1% street address
So, if this is what they are sharing then we need to know
who with.
The same research reports that 71% of teenagers added
contacts that are well known to them
49.2% adding contacts they have met before
32.6% added people when they were requested
20.6% add people who seem interesting (this may be the
worrying bit)
15.2% who are friends of friends
3.6% said they add people if those people are popular.
All this being said, and it is positive although the media
would have people believe that teenagers are connecting in risky ways to people
all over the world that they don’t know. Of course, the worry about grooming is
more concerning than it ever was and I don’t wish to minimise that. The short
film Kayleigh’s Love Story has done a fantastic job in communicating to
teenagers the danger of strangers and social media.
However, a worrying statistic has come to light. A recent
study has revealed that one third of snapchat users do NOT use the ghost mode
thus enabling other users to see their location, this of course will be more
about meeting up with existing friends than gaining new ones (only contacts can
see their location)
So, what are the themes we are to address on Social media
with our teenagers.
If your child is one of the ones that doesn’t use ghost
mode, try and ask them why they don’t want to use it, is there another way
their friends could know where they are if they did use ghost mode.
If they haven’t seen Kayleigh’s love story, show them…its
extremely powerful.
Follow arrangements through, phone the other parent if
arrangements are being made, drop off and pick up where you can.
The content that they see on social media is extremely hard
to control, the only way to control it is to control the amount they see and
that means limiting screen time. Lots of parents say this is an argument that
they don’t want to have all the time.
You can make some rules now that limit the amount of screen
time your teenagers have.
No phones while eating dinner, no phones whilst completing
homework, no phones an hour before bed, phone is returned when leaving for
school bus or school walk in the morning. This seems harsh, but there was a
life before smart phones. Why we are made miserable by our teenager’s smart
phone when we are the ones paying for it and have control of it is a mystery.
We can accept that it is now a form of socialising and
connecting for teenagers and accept that to NOT do it feels isolating for them,
but we don’t have to accept them being on it every minute of the day while we
are worrying all the time about it.
What’s the most worrying statistic from the ones above? 20.6% would add someone who seems
interesting. I would say that now you know this, it is your job to have a
sensible discussion about the types of people your teenager would add when
she/he doesn’t know them. Your teenager will say that they have covered this
topic at school and they probably have, however you need to check their
understanding to give you some peace of mind.
1)
What type of people seem interesting. What categories
of people would they add?
2)
Would they be tempted to add people that are
recruiting ‘models’. This has happened to two of my clients who were tricked
into sending normal and risky photos of themselves (obviously I reported this) Please
explain to your teenager that model scouts are not trawling social media they
are going to low level fashion events, fashion and design schools etc.
3)
What is the age range of people they would add
to their social media?
4)
Would they share with their friends who they
have added, is their settings such that it would allow the friend to see.
There is no absolute way to totally eliminate risk when
teenagers are using social media, there is a way to minimise it. As a parent
all you can do is have these talks every 3 months or so. Keep reminding, keep
connecting and worry less.
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