An adult recently asked my 11-year-old son how is new secondary school was, my son’s answer was that it was stressful, he sighed when he said this. He doesn’t mean the content of the lessons; he means the flow of the school. It involves organisation, forward planning, intense social interaction and geographical orientation, these things need to be mastered as well as subject knowledge.
It takes a lot of nervous energy.
It is taxing on the Psyche.
It takes a toll on the sense of self.
When people talk about learning something new, often they relate it to driving a car. If you have passed your test you can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed with all the different aspects of learning to drive. If you haven’t learnt a new skill recently you may not be able to relate to the frustration.
I have recently embarked on a journey of learning that is so removed from my everyday life that I am experiencing these stages in cycles with all different modules. I have experienced high anxiety, sense of achievement, disappointment and frustration in equal measures.
For both adults and teenagers, it is important to know and hold in mind the four stages of learning, sometimes known as the competence matrix developed by Noel Burch in the 70’s
Stage 1 - Unconscious Incompetence
At the beginning we may not realise how much we need to learn. This is where our pre-teen starts. They are pretty bad at what they are trying to do, however, they are unaware of how much they are at a deficit. In fact, in many cases, the unconsciously incompetent person actually thinks they are pretty good at it, which gets in the way of them improving.
Stage -2 Conscious Incompetence
Your child has now realized there is much more to what they are trying to learn than they realized. In this stage, the consciously incompetent individual may become overwhelmed by what seems to be a vast knowledge area they can’t quite grasp. They will at this stage start to feel bad about their new lack of motivation and the amount of effort this is going to take just to get through the school day.
Stage -3 Conscious Competence
Here our child has started to overcome what they didn’t know and started the path of learning. They are starting to ‘get the hang of it’ The consciously competent person executes their tasks much more successfully, but the focus and attention it requires has the price of being slow.
Stage – 4 Unconscious competence
In this final stage, our child has now internalized all the knowledge and can utilize their understanding without active thought or concentration. The unconsciously competent person completes the tasks with grace and speed.
These stages seem obvious, but many who are perfectionist or impatient fail to recognise this is what is happening. It is easy to lose energy and give up within stage 2. By this stage, you've discovered that you need to learn new skills. You realize that others are much more competent than you are, and that they can easily do things that you are struggling with.
This level can be demoralizing, causing your child to lose confidence or even give up on their learning efforts altogether. Therefore, it's important to stay positive.
Have I got any practical advice at this stage? Keep the hot chocolates flowing, remove distractions and keep routine. Help with the packing of the school bag for a good while yet. Remind them that there was a time they couldn’t tie shoe laces, that learning to swim felt hard. Compare it to learning tricks on the scooter or complicated dance moves.
It WILL become easier; it will eventually require less effort and feel automatic in time. Till that time comes, it is important for us parents to keep in mind the struggle.
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