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The time is now – yes now, it's the right time!






The time is now – yes now, is the right time!

I love swimming, this is how it goes for me. If I don’t swim, I start to feel a little overwhelmed and a little anxious. So, I have started training again and I have signed up to swim the length of Loch Earn in September and after that, maybe in 2019/2020 to swim from Spain to Morocco.

I except this is extreme, but I love swimming. I’m not a fast or brilliant swimmer by the way but I love it.

I recently had a conversation with my good friend and fellow counsellor about wish lists and goals, she has a 15-year-old and a 22-year-old. Both have been a challenge, both children have created their fair share of stress.

She simply said, “do it because when is the right time, are you waiting for it to be easier, it might not ever be easier. Are you waiting for the kids to grow up, Helen you will be 50 then, I hope you want to swim the Gibraltar strait at 50, but there is a good chance you won’t. Are you waiting to feel fitter, more on top of things, there is always going to be something and I’ve realised that you have to face things with courage and except they will keep coming”

Your teenager in teenage years (and certainly younger children) are never going to say,

·       I totally see you need a break mum, so I’ll stop causing aggro and be better at school

·       I know you’ve always wanted to XYZ mum so I’m going to stop causing you huge amounts of stress and act like a reasonable, responsible teenager.

·       Mum I can totally see your point of view, Joe is a bad influence because he smokes weed and acts like a div at the weekend.

·       I know my actions cause you to have on average 5 hours sleep a night and you feel paralysed with anxiety about my future years, so I’m going to dump the ‘bad news’ girlfriend and study 4 hours a day.

THIS IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN; YOUR TEENAGERS ARE NEVER GOING TO SAY THIS.

So, if you are waiting until you lose weight, get financially straight, be anxiety free, be separated, get the house sorted, have a better relationship with your mum, be more organised.

STOP IT!

Because you are relinquishing control, you are allowing someone to dictate your life through their actions. You are giving permission for this. If the problem relates to your teenager, you are saying to yourself that they can restrict and control your future happiness while you worry about theirs. So,

  • sign up for the fun run
  • go on your murder mystery weekend.
  • Join the gym
  • Take up running
  • Join an evening class
  • Book the yoga retreat
  • Book the fancy restaurant 
  • Set up your craft business
  • Apply for a different job
  • Join the dating site
  • buy the puppy
  • Start the volunteering role

Go do, involve yourself, interact, have structure, work towards something. Do something with intention, have courage.

Because the aggro will just keep coming anyway!

I have written before about challenges and what they give you as a parent and what positive messages that communicates to your teenager, you can read that here https://helenharveycounselling.blogspot.com/2017/09/with-waves-slapping-in-my-mouth-and-up.html

If you would like to learn about worry and anxiety, I am creating a comprehensive online course for parents who’s worrying is paralysing and out of control. It will involve video tutorials, worksheets, online community and ongoing support. It will be an integrative therapy approach to Generalised anxiety with a particular focus on anxiety around teenagers/children

Please email me at talkingtoteenagers@mail.com to express an interest.  

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