Talking to teenagers

The time is now – yes now, is the right time! I love swimming, this is how it goes for me. If I don’t swim, I start to feel a little overwhelmed and a little anxious. So, I have started training again and I have signed up to swim the length of Loch Earn in September and after that, maybe in 2019/2020 to swim from Spain to Morocco. I except this is extreme, but I love swimming. I’m not a fast or brilliant swimmer by the way but I love it. I recently had a conversation with my good friend and fellow counsellor about wish lists and goals, she has a 15-year-old and a 22-year-old. Both have been a challenge, both children have created their fair share of stress. She simply said, “ do it because when is the right time, are you waiting for it to be easier, it might not ever be easier. Are you waiting for the kids to grow up, Helen you will be 50 then, I hope you want to swim the Gibraltar strait at 50, but there is a good chance you won’t. Are you waiting...

Are you divorcing or separating from your partner, this is what my teenage client’s say has helped? I won’t write about how hard it is to separate, you know that if you’re experiencing it. Here are the 10 things that has helped the separation go smoothly for the kids. For whatever reason, I know the following things are not always possible, I just thought I would share what my teenage clients think. These 10 things made the separation easier for the kids. 1)       Their feelings were heard and respected and they felt comfortable to ask about arrangements that directly affected them. 2)       The young person appreciated that mum and dad briefly told them if they were having a bad day because of it, so they didn’t wonder if some of the mood was due to them. 3)       They didn’t want to know every detail of the reasons for the separation particularly if there had been an affair. 4)  ...

Anxiety lesson 7 – lets evaluate our positive beliefs about worry This is going to be a short blog and I would like you to print this off and stick it to the fridge. When anxiety and worry have existed for some time, we develop positive beliefs about this awful paralysing condition. These beliefs are sometimes the following: 1)       Worry helps me find solutions to my problems. 2)       Worrying is a motivator and so it means I get things done. 3)       Worry is a protective factor from negative things happening, should negative things happen then I will be prepared. 4)       Worry can prevent negative things from happening (miracle thinking, thought action connection) ‘If I worry about this strongly enough, it won’t happen’. 5)       Worrying about people and situation means I am a caring and compassionate person. That’s address thes...

Photo by Tanja Heffner on Unsplash Parents, health professionals, teachers say it often ‘ oh children are so resilient, they adapt don’t they’ This is usually said in the context of parents separating, moving schools, transitioning to secondary school ect. It is true in these cases that children/teenagers adjust to change and transition, but what happens if the child has experienced a traumatic incident, are they able to process this and move on? I see young people in my counselling room that are experiencing school refusal due to severe anxiety, this anxiety is sometimes a delayed manifestation of a traumatic event that has gone unprocessed. The teenager believes it is a fear of school, but in fact it is trauma that is unprocessed, now setting off the flight or fight response, it is the body’s way of saying that the incident needs to be worked through therapeutically. Sometimes incidents witnessed by children/teenagers can be rationalized and talked about at the t...

So, we are back to routine, are you screaming for your teenager to get out of bed yet? Well you know that you’re not on your own with this, parents of my clients complain about this regularly. As adults we find it hard to get out of bed, but the bills and the mortgage payments and the boss gives us the motivation to get up. What does the teenager have hanging over him to make him get up on time and conquer the day…? His assignment on music production for modern theatre, no he’s got that covered because he believes he can get the guidelines emailed to him instead of attending first period/lesson. Also Lucy who sits next to him said she can help out with that! The fact that he will be marked down as late on his attendance record…no he’s just going to come up with some doctor’s appointment, bus broke down routine, he’s got that covered. The fact that mum will be totally p****d off with him and she will do that silent, only answer in curt sentences thing and tell ever...

So, in case you haven’t read or seen the news, the you tube prankster Logan Paul shot a video in a forest in Japan that is a frequent site for suicides. The group, while filming discovered a dead body hanging from a tree and the group continue to film whilst Logan Paul sniggers and comments ‘what’s wrong with you, have you not stood next to a dead body before’ If you haven’t had a good enough reason to really dislike and object to Logan Paul before parents…you certainly have one now. The video remained on his YouTube channel for a day and was viewed more than 6.3 million times before being removed by YouTube, why? because increasingly online platforms are chasing engagement above quality of content and our children are the victims of this digital age ethos. Logan Paul is a 22-year-old YouTube moron…err sorry star who has over 15 million followers, most of them teenagers and pre-teens. His popularity has mushroomed over the last 18 months, he has tv experience and be...

What do teenagers really want to tell their parents, how best can we respond? Parent: What’s wrong with you, your quiet? Teenager: Nothing, I’m just tired. Parent: No, it’s not that, it’s something else, come on what’s wrong? Teenager: God, nothing, I’m fine I just feel a bit anxious that’s all. Parent: Well what you anxious about, come on tell me. Teenager: Nothing, just stuff Parent: Well come on tell me, I may be able to help. Teenager: You can’t help. I’m going upstairs, I can’t be bothered!! Recognise this Parents?? It can leave us feeling rejected and unaware of what is happening in our teenager’s life. The practical reasons for poor communication such as other siblings being around, long working hours and TV and video gaming can be hard to navigate. When you teenager hits a rough patch, and believes you won’t understand, then their distress can quickly escalate. Of course, keeping secrets from your parents is nothing new, I could have won ...