Talking to teenagers

“You’re an idiot, no wonder you’ve not got any mates” “You’re a weirdo” ‘Enough’ I stated loudly. I ask my daughter who is the older one to go and sit in her room to let the tension die down.   This sort of name calling has escalated in this house for about a month and I know for certain it is very damaging.   Some could argue that I’m being soft, that every sibling can remember taunts and name calling and that it serves to toughen you up. I bet though you can recall speaking to people who hold a deep-seated resentment for their siblings in adulthood for the treatment they received when young. Maybe you can remember the particular insults used against you and that is your default position even now? It doesn’t just happen from an older sibling to a younger one (although its more impactful that way round, it’s also more powerful if the older sibling is female) When certain names are stated enough times, the younger sibling is going to internalise it and it wil...

When I speak to mothers on my resilience workshops, the general consensus is that a good woman and a good mother is offering everything to everyone at the cost of her own emotional space. What I aim to do on these workshops is not undo this thinking totally and immediately, but bring about a shift in awareness that questions behaviour and alters the way the woman thinks about herself and her needs. How many of us have watched our mum’s struggle on the emergency chair at Christmas or sat down to eat her meal lukewarm after seeing to everyone else’s needs. How many have looked after elderly parents selflessly. Mum’s are the caretakers and the definition of self-sacrifice. This way of thinking is difficult to undo if the person in question has been a victim of unfair criticism and cruel treatment in their childhood. This, you would think, is the wrong way around surely…would they not want to meet their needs in adulthood if childhood was terrible with unmet needs? It’s more co...