Talking to teenagers

As a PODS trained trauma therapist, I have worked with people who have experienced the worst that life has to offer in terms of family relationships and traumatic life events. These clients have functioned well to some extent, they have coped, they have kept going. If we are to try and pick resilience apart, learn the aspects that we can practice in everyday life then these clients have something to teach us. Resilience involves three measurable elements 1)       An adversity has occurred – traumatic experience or stressful event 2)       Evidence of healthy functioning must be present after the adversity 3)       The mechanisms a person employs to avoid the distress or recover from it Health is not measured by an absence of pathology, it is important that assessment of well-being in addition to symptoms is undertaken to treat people holistically. What do I mean by this? does the GP or the...

Is your child suffering with anxiety, read this… it’s important! I have received 47 emails from my daughters’ secondary school since September 22 nd nearly 5 a week. I have received at least 36 text messages from my son’s primary school since the end of October and he comes home with at least 6 pieces of paper in his school bag a week. This is some examples of the secondary school communication Drama rehearsals email, lunchtime revision email, National citizenship service email, Duke of Edinburgh , carol singers in the village square email, PTA quiz email, Revision resources, bus pass email, Food technology contribution email, six form open evening email, six form open evening feedback email, Sponsored walk email, New headmaster welcome letter email, Careers talks parent assembly email, parents evening email, parents evening feedback email, forthcoming fundraising events email, foodbank collection email, PTA annual Christmas bingo email, community nativity email, Pre ord...

I recently read a short article by Lorraine Candy declaring that you cannot be a best friend to your teenage children…my response was why would you want to be a best friend? Lorraine, who I must point out is the editor-in- chief of the style magazine, writes a weekly column for the family section of The Sunday Times magazine. In the article she explains a trip to the theatre where there is hardly any conversation amongst her and her daughters and that they film videos of their mother swearing at the over complicated microwave. She concludes that the gradual separation is heart-breaking. A statistic alongside the article is that 75% of adolescents lie, with an average of nearly 3 untruths a day. Well I would like to bet that 65% of adults lie, with 2 whopping untruths a day…so what? what has that got to do with being attuned to your teenager. This kind of article perpetuates the notion that teenagers are these distant, unreachable, difficult people that as parents we a...

Six weeks ago, I went for a routine smear examination, the nurse told me she couldn’t take the smear as she could see something that needed investigating at Colposcopy, she said the referral would be quick as colposcopy are very efficient in our health trust (they are) So there starts my journey, a journey that hijacks peoples thinking and allows the worse case scenario to creep in. I have pain in my breast, but its bearable and so I just get on. I decided I would take a holiday alone (5 days) my mum kindly said she would have the children. I hadn’t had a holiday for a year and my thinking was that if I needed any sort of treatment then I may need to grab the chance while I can. ·        My mum saves me Sunday newspaper magazines, I go through them all and take out the interesting articles and staple them into a folder to read when I am there. ·        I went to somewhere I had been before and that felt safe...

I read recently that teenage girls on average check their social media accounts 50 times a day. I imagine snapchat to be like Slimer from Ghost busters (its logo is similar) every girl that it touches starts to have a negative attitude towards themselves and all their self-esteem gets sucked out of them into that proton pack and gets locks away. It’s a sad thought but it is true. I was recently travelling on the Virgin train to London when a girl got on at Preston. She was maybe 18, makeup done, headphones in and rucksack. She produced her makeup bag at Warrington Bank Quay and proceeded to do her make up (which was already done) until we reached Stafford (that takes an hour). I can honestly say that she looked NO different as a result of her make up tweaks then when she had boarded the train. She then took a photo once she shifted around in her seat for 5 minutes and then applied some more eyeshadow and took another photo that she was obviously more pleased with. I ob...

Little changes to simplify life and dampen down anxiety We aren’t talking about anxiety totally going away, this little list will help to stave off overwhelm and help you manage more throughout the day. ·        Leave your home space in a nice way, even if its just make your bed, or stack the dishwasher with last night’s pots. When its been a hard day you then have a nice space to come back to. ·        Tell a couple of people abut your anxiety…not everyone, just two people that seem the most supportive. ·        Think about social media in terms of energy zapping, limit the time to half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening. ·        Write down month on month what you feel you can handle socially. 1 night or 2 nights, who with? What activity. That way you do not agree to John’s bowling night at work or Alana’s pizza meal and...

School is a strenuous task for the introverted teenager, the noise, lights, chatter, teacher discipline, dinner que etc, introverts need to recharge periodically, they need to have some alone time. They are not shy, they are not socially anxious (although the interaction, if too much can make them feel that way) A teenage client described going to the toilet and locking herself into the cubicle at break and dinner to have some time in which she didn’t have to interact with ANYONE. This is not how any teenager should be feeling in school. Our teenagers spent 1,110 hours in school in an academic year, 139 of them could be being spent in the toilet cubicles. The school report may often say ‘ Sophie needs to be more vocal in class’ ‘ Sophie is a bright girl, she needs to believe in her ability a bit more’. At parents evening the teachers will reiterate this message ‘Sophie is a great asset to the class, we just need to hear a bit more of her’ So how do we as parents make...