The power of the introvert, it’s a positive personality trait in teenagers when we work out what to do to help!

School is a strenuous task for the introverted teenager, the noise, lights, chatter, teacher discipline, dinner que etc, introverts need to recharge periodically, they need to have some alone time. They are not shy, they are not socially anxious (although the interaction, if too much can make them feel that way)

A teenage client described going to the toilet and locking herself into the cubicle at break and dinner to have some time in which she didn’t have to interact with ANYONE. This is not how any teenager should be feeling in school. Our teenagers spent 1,110 hours in school in an academic year, 139 of them could be being spent in the toilet cubicles.

The school report may often say ‘Sophie needs to be more vocal in class’ ‘Sophie is a bright girl, she needs to believe in her ability a bit more’. At parents evening the teachers will reiterate this message ‘Sophie is a great asset to the class, we just need to hear a bit more of her’

So how do we as parents make school more bearable, how do we convey to school that introversion is a personality, that we love and value that aspect of our teenager. How do we communicate to our teenagers that their ‘way of being’ is positive?

·       We notice and acknowledge that our teenagers can be self-reliant, this is a positive aspect of introversion, think about how many people over your life time have said ‘oh I’m no good at being on my own’, well your teenager is great at being on their own and that is going to stand them in good stead.

·       They usually have loyal and caring friends (a small group, or maybe just one) but they are great listeners and very considered and rational. The other person feels heard and that is a magiacal thing.

·       They take their time to become problem solvers, they are the reliable, the dependable one that considers all the factors before starting the task.

·       They are usually creative and deep thinkers. They are also good at an empathetic level, they can read and tune into situations.

When it is parents evening next or when you have an opportunity to speak to school. You can explain that your teenager works best unrushed and quietly and that she doesn’t have to answer in class to prove she’s understood the work, as her written class and homework proves that. You would need to repeat this with every subject teacher you see.

You could speak to school to ask about the range of clubs and spaces in school where there is quiet time such as the library, when are they open?

Is there a place where they can eat their packed lunch that doesn’t have to be the dinner hall and also not outside?

Is there ICT clubs, art clubs, writing clubs, chess club or community garden.

The school transport is also an area that sucks the teenager’s energy if they work best from being alone. Is there an option to get the normal public bus service to school instead of the ‘school bus’ is there an option to bike or walk it to school? could you drop them off or pick them up 2 times a week.

Lastly you could ask your teenager what is bearable and what is not, you could keep a diary of what days they seem to have coped better and not been so burnt out. Usually they are able to spend more time downstairs amongst people at home when school has been more bearable. Eventually a pattern will emerge and you could feed it back to school and find coping strategies to minimise burn out.

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