Talking to teenagers

  One of the issues I work with frequently with teenagers is self-harm. Self-harm can feel complex and overwhelming to parents and school staff who see it as a destructive behaviour. It is extremely distressing for the young person and also for the parent that feel powerless to stop it. It is destructive in its nature but is also a coping strategy to regulate feelings that feel powerful and overwhelming. When I worked in a school counselling team, school staff used to describe it as attention-seeking, but in fact, it is attention needing. What do I mean by this? The teenager is trying to understand and regulate these difficult emotions and is seeking to connect. What self-harm provides is a frequent return to a regulated state that the person has ultimate control over. Many young people report that it feels like a release of tension and agitation, that the tension release is freeing. In counselling and other arenas such as a supportive conversation at home, the teenager needs t