Talking to teenagers

I am 41 and my mum is the most supportive person I know, positive with my children, positive attitude in work, resilient and wise. The one thing my mum is a little of, is risk averse. There are many reasons for this, one being, living with my dad, her husband, who regularly did risky things that didn’t pay off. Last year I announced to her that I was going to swim the Solent in aid of the Ian Pratt MND foundation. I casually said ‘you know, swim from mainland to the Isle of Wight, hundreds of people have done it’. Hundreds of people haven’t done it in fact, but I decided to lie a bit to get her on board. She said ‘ I’m worried, it’s dangerous’ when that didn’t seem to have an impact; she said ‘ is it not a little irresponsible, you’ve got a husband and two children’ Driving these not so helpful responses was anxiety and love. As parents when we predict an outcome or share our worry, we are saying I can’t sit, feel and tolerate the anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, my mum has d...

Teenagers, Bullying, Paranoid Fearful Thinking…Social media and the fragile sense of self . My daughter had a 3 month break from social media this year, I wrote a post about it early in my blogging journey, the change in her was dramatic and enjoyable. Two weeks ago, she decided to go back onto Instagram, she is not enjoying it and is toying with the idea of another break. We have all read as parents the dangers of social media, most of us have experienced our child’s distress first hand. We have also heard the argument that social media means the child can’t get a break from criticism and being in the spotlight. The photos teenager’s post of themselves means they are there for them to agonise over their flaws repeatedly, and for their peers to analyse and comment on. Comparisons can be made to other people’s seemingly perfect lives, perfect bodies, fantastic families, holidays, outfits, academic achievement ect. When we were in our teens you knew the good things about...

How to emotionally meet your teenager…explore your own reactions Before I go on with this post, I would like to say that the following is what I aim for, it doesn’t always go to plan, no one is a perfect parent all of the time! It is too easy for us as parents to hold onto the feelings generated when we argue with our teenagers. Teenagers say some horrible things when they are angry, and they are usually angry when they can’t get what they want. We dwell on what is said, we find it hard to comprehend the unreasonableness of our teenager. We think and say loudly sometimes... what is going on, What planet is he/she on? They are on the planet of “self-serving, self-centred, peer orientated, urgent gratification, my needs matter more than anyone’s planet”. It is really really hard not to be hurt by their actions or some of the things they say in a temper. When my daughter was younger (primary school age) tantrums did not happen often, but when they did occur, they ...

Starting secondary…Strategies to ensure homework is completed A clear routine around homework is the most important thing when starting secondary and year 7 is the time to start it. There will not be any homework in the first week for the new starter, they may be asked to read something or write a small paragraph but in the main it will start to come midway into the second week. Here are some pointers to start as you mean to go on. Location Find the right location for completing homework, from my experience their bedroom is the wrong choice as there are too many distractions, and many children do not have a desk in their room to lay out their books. The dining room is a good choice, away from other children and the noise of the house, alternatively the kitchen table is an option after everybody has eaten. Timing Your child/teenager ideally needs to get into the habit of doing homework at the same time each day. Some children need a break straight after school ...

Do you feel all squeezed out? Only one week to go… what parents can do to feel recharged as we go into September and the new school year. We are on the home straight now parents. After next week, a different set of arguments will replace the ones about spending money, bus fares, lifts and how there is never anything good to eat in the house. After the pressure of seeing to your children’s needs and priorities for six weeks, you can easily find that your tank is on empty. Added to this, you may have been abroad for a sunny holiday, one that you have looked forward to since early in the year. The holiday is now past and we are entering autumn days. Some people struggle with this. Added to all this your child may be starting secondary school this September, you will understandably have a little anxiety about this, if so please see my previous post. https://helenharveycounselling.blogspot.com/2017/08/is-your-child-starting-secondary-school.html The trick to self- ...

Do you have a child doing their GCSE’s next year? This is how the pressure from school is affecting their future and what you can do to help. Nearly every child in the UK in years 10 and 11 will go back to school in September having at least one assembly a week on G.C.S.E and attainment, and a form period where teachers start of on one topic, but by the end of the 15 minutes in form… somehow, we have ended up talking about ambition and commitment. Some clients reported feeling sick before the assemblies or form time! How do I know this? I worked in a secondary school for 2 years, in that school’s counselling provision team, I am now an adolescent therapist in private practice seeing young people who, most of the time, are anxious and wired about the G.C.S.E process. “THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO GET IT RIGHT” “IF YOU DON’T GET THE RESULTS, LET ME TELL YOU, YOU ARE ON THE BOTTOM OF THE PILE” “EVERY EMPLOYER WILL FOCUS ON G.C.S.E S, FACT” This is what mo...

Does your child have a mental health issue that they need help with? NHS...the broken promise. Theresa May has said 'the government should strengthen mental health training and continuing professional development for teachers to ensure they are properly equipped to recognize the early signs of mental illness in their pupils and have the confidence to be able to signpost or refer to the right support. Everyone of England's 3,600 secondary schools will be offered mental health 'first aid' training for teachers in the next two year' I would like to point out Theresa May that the teaching profession is not in the best of health...there were 138,500 sick days taken by 31,900 staff within the education sector last year. 3.5% of school staff take a stress related absence every year averaging 26.9 working days. 78% of teachers have experienced work related anxiousness, 33% per health, 25% have increased their alcohol and tobacco use, 2% have self-harm...