Are you divorcing or separating from your partner, this is what my teenage client’s say has helped?

I won’t write about how hard it is to separate, you know that if you’re experiencing it. Here are the 10 things that has helped the separation go smoothly for the kids. For whatever reason, I know the following things are not always possible, I just thought I would share what my teenage clients think.

These 10 things made the separation easier for the kids.

1) Their feelings were heard and respected and they felt comfortable to ask about arrangements that directly affected them.

2) The young person appreciated that mum and dad briefly told them if they were having a bad day because of it, so they didn’t wonder if some of the mood was due to them.

3) They didn’t want to know every detail of the reasons for the separation particularly if there had been an affair.

4) Gradual introduction of major changes, so they were able to focus on different aspects of their own life. New house, new partner, new siblings was greatly spaced out.

5) Flexibility was very important to all my clients, being able to say to mum or dad that they wouldn’t be visiting that weekend as they had a social event planned with friends was a relief.

6) Both mum and dad have a support network such as their parents, friends, siblings. This allowed my clients to feel their parents were supported and they didn’t have to comfort parents and worry about their wellbeing. Also, the teenager had someone who was an adult that they could talk to about the separation.

7) My clients who had step parents appreciated that they were supportive towards them, but not intrusive and ‘try and be my mum, I’ve got a mum’

8) They were glad the arrangement was to stay with the other parent on certain nights and not a week with mum and then a week with dad. Most of my clients felt that it was too long a time to not see the other parent and organisation issues would not allow it to work.

9) Teenagers appreciated that both parents presented as coping because it would ‘feel weird to comfort my dad’

10) Teenagers are glad when parents can communicate in a civil way, they don’t want to be used as the messenger.

If you know somebody who is currently going through a separation, it may be worth sharing this with them. If you have liked this blog post please subscribe.

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