Talking to teenagers

It is difficult to know what the right thing is to do; we are the first generation as parents to experience addictions to technology. We are the first generation to tackle the use of Snapchat, TickTock and Instagram. Also, Facetime is a gamechanger, they can be connected to their friends in the privacy of there own homes, but that alters our levels of privacy within the family. How many parents have said ‘were you just on call when I was talking to your sister, were you just on call when I’m shouting for your brother to be ready?’ We are the second generation of parents where mental health in children and parents is acknowledged. We are in a terrible position; we have a greater awareness but with no solution. Two things are at play here, phone removal may be for two different reasons. First let’s look at what phone usage may or may not be doing to teenagers. Research has suggested that more than 23% of young people have a dysfunctional relationship with their smart p...

It has been believed for decades that the mature brain was incapable of growing new neurons; it was understood that as we reached adulthood, we began to lose neurons rather than gain them. However, it has been extensively researched and proved that exercise in particular can create new neurons, helping to defend against conditions such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. Physical activity improves the function of many systems in the body, but the effects are usually about athletic performance, but what sort of challenge improves brain function? Researchers at Salk Institute showed in the 1990’s that running increased the hippocampal neurons in mice. It increases BDNF (a protein called ‘brain-derived neurotrophic factor’) that is produced throughout the body and brain, it promotes nascent neurons. BDNF lead to an increase in size of the hippocampus thus improving memory in adults. Research has also proven benefits of exercise in the prefrontal cortex which is resp...

An adult recently asked my 11-year-old son how is new secondary school was, my son’s answer was that it was stressful, he sighed when he said this.  He doesn’t mean the content of the lessons; he means the flow of the school. It involves organisation, forward planning, intense social interaction and geographical orientation, these things need to be mastered as well as subject knowledge. It takes a lot of nervous energy. It is taxing on the Psyche. It takes a toll on the sense of self. When people talk about learning something new, often they relate it to driving a car. If you have passed your test you can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed with all the different aspects of learning to drive. If you haven’t learnt a new skill recently you may not be able to relate to the frustration. I have recently embarked on a journey of learning that is so removed from my everyday life that I am experiencing these stages in cycles with all different modules...

A month ago, I wasn’t sleeping well, I have had bouts of this for the last 5 years. I can pin point why, it is usually when I feel overwhelm in terms of emotional stressors and practical work-related things. Recently my 11-year-old son asked how my sleep was, we were on the way to the airport for a 5-day break. “my sleep is better this last week or so with certain work things being a success and I am excited we are going away for a break near the sea, so that helps” I replied. “Perhaps you should think about the good things about the world and what good you enjoy before going to sleep, have a list in your head mum that would work” my son helpfully offered.  That’s what I have started to actively do. I have previously done it when I have felt good about things, but not always when I feel wobbly.  So, if we are to give it a name, then it would be gratitude, but I can’t get with that term at all. Health gurus, wellness people, spiritual people have done gra...

With over 300 videos uploaded every minute to YouTube, it has evolved into must see viewing for the pre-teen generation. Parents are left reeling from the fall outs due to excessive consumption from something that doesn’t appeal to them because of its moronic nature. Why do I think it is so bad…I will try and explain from a mum’s perspective and also that of a child and adolescent therapist. My son doesn’t have a television in his bedroom, not because I have any strong feelings about that he’s just never asked and I’ve not bought one. So, when YouTube is playing, it is on his kindle or through his Xbox which is in the lounge. I can hear and see the sort of things available to him to watch. One of the biggest things that is damaging is that it gives a false idea of masculinity to boys growing into adolescence. There is this over exaggerated laddish absurd behaviour with pumped up Gym tanned bodies (there is lots of evidence piling up in regards to boy’s expos...

First of all, don’t argue with them, why? because you will make them good at arguing! Practice makes perfect. In CBT they have a phrase ‘what fires together, wires together’ it sort of explains how wonky thinking and behaviour is formed. What you are trying to aim for is reflective thought in yourself and your teenager. So, first of all before new actions and responses can be installed you have to undo the set of behaviours that you don’t want. You have to interrupt that pattern. What you don’t want is your teenager thinking they have all the answers. Firstly, because his/her answers aren’t always right and second it will drive you mad. Think of it as a dance, you’re not willing to dance on demand anymore as you are saving your energy for other important things. The other important things are noticing, being present, hearing the message in the noise and most importantly keeping yourself regulated for the sake of yourself and everyone else in the family. ...

It’s difficult for both parent and child when leaving the safety of primary school. There are so many aspects of loss and excitement that it is difficult to know how to feel what emotion and when. The loses felt by the child are certainly immediate, they have been hanging on and letting go for most of the year. Teachers have been preparing them for SATS and the last school play, sports day, school trip etc. We as parents have been making the important decisions and presenting a positive attitude to this unavoidable leap of faith. So, as we approach Friday (if indeed your child finishes then) it may be important to remind ourselves of the aspects of loss your child may feel approaching this important day. Identity – Your child may be known as the conscientious one or the caring child or the leader, his class mates may know him for this particular quality and also the teachers. Whatever the quality is this will have been more cemented on the standard 5-day trip away that c...